Marriage is not for wimps unless of course you have no intention of staying committed. If you go into a marriage thinking you’ll duck out if the going gets tough, then marriage is a piece of cake.

Let’s admit the statistics aren’t good. No surprise though. It goes with the way of this world: the corruption, the selfishness, the pride and lack of sacrifice. In a world that’s pushing for self-indulgence, self-promotion and self-centeredness, marriage is the opposite. Marriage calls us to look to the good of the other person. Why? Not because they’re better than us but because we are called to love just as God loved us and sent His Son to die for us. It means…if Jesus could lay down His life for us why aren’t we more willing to lay down the tv remote for our spouse, lay down the phone, lay down the hobbies, lay down the friends, lay down work, lay down our prized possession, lay down the [insert your idol or passion here]. Most of us will never be called to lay down our lives for someone else as Jesus did, so why can’t we lay down our simple pleasures, wants and desires and choose them?

It was a snowy morning ten years ago—in fact, it snowed six inches that day—and our ceremony was in our home with my parents and my one brother and sister-in-law watching. The minister did not personally know us. It was not traditional; it was planned probably a week prior. Looking back, I feel like we were just kids (I know I’m probably not supposed to say that at only 10 years—ha!). We began our marriage having no prior counseling and no idea what we were doing (isn’t that most of us anyhow?).

Here comes the honesty…my husband and I have been having a rough time for years. We’ve gone on about our marriage pretending to be okay yet struggling immensely and wishing and praying we had help. Marriage is like child-raising in that there are guidelines in the Bible, but it doesn’t necessarily spell out how it should look in daily living…in our particular life. We were barely keeping our heads above the raging waves of family life. We have three young boys; two of them with Sensory Processing Disorders and one of those two is autistic. Our challenges might be a little more than typical. I had no hope and I felt our marriage was in desperation. I wasn’t sure it would last. We needed help and we needed it now. For years our anniversary would come up and I’d think, what can I say about him that isn’t a lie? I don’t like to say stuff that isn’t true and that I don’t actually mean. But it’s incredibly hard sometimes when you’re in the thick of struggle to see past the negative. It’s a spotlight in the eyes. It blinds you from seeing anything else. It takes a thankful heart (by the grace of God) and determination to look outside the box of difficulty to see the good. But there is always good; it’s always there.

God had been working behind the scenes—as He always does—and provided an amazing married couple to come into our lives. It’s hugely impacted our lives. They’ve come alongside us and began ministering to us and guiding us. I now have hope.

I am being transparent because I know we’re not alone. I know there are others who are struggling, whether little or detrimentally. Pray earnestly. Be humble. Reach out, open up and admit that you need help. And see God work.

As with any marriage, there’s waves of rough waters—after all, we’re sinful and imperfect humans—but there’s a drastic difference in where we are now and where we just were a few months ago. God has placed friends in our court fighting with us and fighting for us.

This year I have hope. I am thankful for my husband. I’m thankful for the 10 years with him. I’m thankful for his faithfulness to me; his humility, his effort, his willingness, his openness, his commitment. I am thankful for the hope and the growth, for the good times and the rough. For God’s faithfulness and goodness toward us. For Him working through people and circumstances to bring us closer to each other and ultimately closer to Him.