It was bus time. Of course, raining. It rained all day long. So, I drove the van to the other side of our block to the bus stop. I normally stand on the sidewalk, so I was worried neither the bus driver nor the boys would see me waiting in the van.
The bus pulled into the road. The driver seemed to hesitate where the bus would normally stop, but slowly approached to where I was parked. He waved to me sitting in the van but didn’t stop. As soon as he passed me, I quickly climbed out in the rain to flag him down. He didn’t stop. I’m pretty sure my voice now matched the intensity of my flailing arms until I realized it wasn’t my boys’ bus but another one in the district. I’m flagging down the wrong bus!!!!
Oops! Talk about embarrassing! Wonder what the driver was thinking? I climbed back into the van mortified. I laughed with my son’s TSS, but it wasn’t a genuine laugh.
I hated it. I hate doing something embarrassing. I hate making a fool of myself. I hate messing up in front of people.
It’s very important to me that I am liked and thought well of. It’s actually a fault. I have worked so hard to portray this certain image that I can’t even allow myself to mess up. I can’t allow myself to be embarrassed or wrong. Because when I do it just wrecks me. It just kills me that I was flagging down the wrong bus!
I have embarrassed myself worse than this, but I think the foundational issue remains.
Continue reading “Those Embarrassing Moments”
Foose Bits 