Month: June 2016

I Choose God.

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Meltdowns, scream fests, arguing, fighting, frustration, anger, crying. Unfortunately, not all of these describe the behaviors of my three little boys. I have to take responsibility for some of them. It’s even quite possible that I experienced each one of these this week.

If there was ever a time in my life when I felt I must have fulfilled my earthly duty, it was yesterday. Heaven looked even more appealing to me than before. I had reached rock bottom. I had become more of a hindrance to those in my family than a help. I was a complete failure. There was nothing more I could offer and nothing positive in my life.

I would love to say, “…and then I woke up.” Unfortunately, it was not a dream. I was in the pit of selfishness and ungratefulness. How in the world did I get here? Continue reading “I Choose God.” →

The Truth Of Grief

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This was the hardest thing I have ever written.  Not only is it difficult to describe how one feels, but most of all to be so open and transparent with your deepest thoughts and feelings; to bear your very soul and expose it to the picking and prodding of judgmental eyes; to invite another into the most intimate and vulnerable place of your being. But, just maybe, sharing my story will help someone else in their journey of healing.

For those who do not know, two months ago today (April 20th) I lost my dad to a short-lived and very aggressive terminal illness.  Cancer.  I almost can’t say the word.  He only lived thirty days – all spent in the hospital – from the day he went into the emergency room until the day of his death.  He was diagnosed only three weeks before he died, with AML or Acute Myeloid Leukemia.  The night before he died we learned he had acquired the most aggressive and least treatable type of AML. Continue reading “The Truth Of Grief” →

The Crashing Waves

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“My storms were reeling me for a minute.  As crazy as it felt and as out of control as it felt, all my feelings kept slamming into something solid in me that wouldn’t move.  And that’s my roots and my faith and what I knew.”

“And there’s a time when fear has to face the God you know.”

“There’s a difference between what you feel and Who you know.  In those moments I had to really pull away from what I was feeling and remember Who I knew.”

The above are quotes from Mark Hall, the lead singer of Casting Crowns, during an interview with Wally on WAY-FM. He was speaking on his recent diagnosis of kidney cancer.

As I listened to this interview an image came to my mind. Continue reading “The Crashing Waves” →