The Unknown Journey

After a third ultrasound of my uterus, I am now scheduled for a biopsy. Of course, you know what that means; they are checking to see if it’s cancerous.

This journey feels awfully familiar, as exactly a year ago we walked an unknown journey with my dad as he struggled through leukemia. In the end, he was completely healed, though we are not witnesses to it here on earth. Walking a similar journey a year ago, makes this present one even more difficult, as it feels like I’m reliving it in more than one way.

Countless times over the past year, I’ve wanted so badly to talk to my dad. This is certainly one of those times. But I am only left with his godly example. I cannot ask him how he felt about the uncertainty he faced, but I can reflect on his character that I witnessed.

The mere sound of “biopsy” and “cancer” produces a myriad of responses. Among them can be reproach, aloofness or pity. It could be why the thought of the potential diagnosis makes me feel almost marked or diseased, and also why I was reluctant to share it. Besides, it’s so much easier to ask prayer for someone else. But it is always good to have a praying army standing with you. So, thank you for your prayers!!

If you had to pick a cancer, uterine cancer is one of the easiest to treat. I’ve heard and read that several times. (And while that may be true if it hasn’t spread, it is still not without drastic measures.) I guess then I shouldn’t be concerned. But the emotions and concerns do not support such positive statistics. (Is there a good cancer?)

My first and natural instinct is to pray it all goes away. No one wants to face the possible reality of cancer. It’s scary. But as a child of God my heart must remain open to God’s will, and therefore my prayers will also support that mindset.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul prayed three times for the thorn to leave. But God did not remove it. Instead he was told, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul continues, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Daniel 4:34-35, 37
…and He does according to His will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay His hand or say to Him, “What have You done?” …for all His works are right and His ways are just; and those who walk in pride He is able to humble.

It’s far better to live in God’s will than in disagreement with Him; to accept that which He has for me than to pridefully fight it. After all, who am I to question God? He is the Creator of all things, the majestic King of kings! God reigns over all and has all authority and power. Who am I to ask “What have You done?” or “Why are You putting me through this?” His ways are just and right and His timing is perfect, even if scary, hard or fatal. As believers, living in fear makes us a poor example to others. But living in submission makes us moldable and effective for His greater good.

If the test result comes back cancerous, God will be glorified through it. If it comes back negative, God will still be glorified through it.

Psalm 112:7
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

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