My autistic son has meltdowns, often. He also loves music. I wished I could find a song that he could sing to help him calm down when he was upset.
I thought of some of the familiar kids’ songs. Jesus Loves Me is the first one I thought of. He knows it well and likes it, but I was afraid he would learn to hate it if it was associated with him being upset.
I told someone a little while ago that I thought maybe I should write a song for him to sing. But nothing really came to my mind.
A few weeks ago, God started working in my heart. As I read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 a song fell onto paper. It’s called His Grace.
For His grace is sufficient for me;
Power is made perfect in me;
Therefore, I will boast in Him.
For the sake of Christ,
I will be content;
For when I am weak,
Then He is strong.
When trials come
I plead with God.
But accept, I must,
For His purpose holds firm.
Day by day
The trials never end.
But His grace
Will carry me through.
I’ll never forget the day it truly became my heart’s song.
During one of his difficult meltdowns, I heard myself start to sing this simple song. Immediately, he rejected it. “Stop singing! It not help me!” But I heard myself softly reply, “It’s not for you; it’s for me.” Tears clouded my eyes, my voice broke on the words. I felt the frustration drain out of me as I soaked in the truth of the words. They were like balm to my wounded heart. His grace flooded my broken soul. I felt peace like I never had before and the power of Christ resting upon me.
I asked if I could hug him. He agreed and collapsed into my arms. “You sing that again?” Through tears, I began to sing it again. He hugged me tighter.
That was a huge breakthrough for my son and me! Never had we a connection like that before. I better understood David as he cried out to God through the Psalms. My son didn’t need me to write a song for him to sing. God knew all along it was for me.
In those moments when I feel at my weakest and all hope is lost, the song brings perspective. The verses to the song spell out my trials. His difficulties and meltdowns never end. Some days all that gets me through is my desperate cries of mercy and grace…and later, looking back and seeing only His footprints carrying me through the day.
Perhaps when my son is old enough to understand the truth in the words of the song, the song will mean as much to him, but for now…it is my song. And singing it opens my heart for God’s grace to rush in. To replace my frustration and worry with peace beyond my understanding and love beyond my capability.