I’ve been guilty most of my life. Seeking acceptance. Seeking approval. Seeking to please others. But what it got me was a path further from God. It left me fully dependent and clinging on their every word. Afraid to stand up. Afraid to make ripples or draw attention. Afraid to lose friendships. Continue reading “On Whose Opinion?”
Category: mommyhood
The Invisible Diagnoses
Two completely different sets of struggles. Both invisible from the surface—from the onlooker’s eye.
A beautiful, outgoing child. His tender sweetness lost amidst his struggles. His fun, infectious personality disguised by his over-the-top energy. His charm misunderstood. His affection a bit smothering. His chatter bothersome. His clinginess problematic. Hidden behind his eyes is anxiety and confusion as his perception of the world differs from most. Things we take for granted do not come naturally for him. Everything takes work, even daily routine. There is no insight or judgment, hence the constant need for supervision and guidance. Continue reading “The Invisible Diagnoses”
The Lonely Journey: What I Want You To Know
We all walk lonely journeys. Each is unique. But one thing they all have in common: they can build walls that separate us from others. They can complicate family units. And they can even destroy marriages if not careful.
Somehow it seems harder when the journey involves your child. They unintentionally isolate. They can break friendships and rob us of meaningful time with others.
Some have very specific opinions about what they see in your child. Others have no clue and form their own conclusions about the situation. Some disagree with the way you’re handling it. Some are simply uninformed. Some may want to help but aren’t sure how or even what to say.
Please, don’t walk away from those who are hurting in their lonely journey. It’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, but try to understand. Research their struggle if you can; ask them questions; be a support and encouragement. Don’t just turn away from them. You might be the only one who hasn’t.
I wasn’t sure how much to share in this blog. How much exposure is helpful? Is it fair to my son? But, if it makes a difference or helps another to understand or be understood, then—to me—it’s worth the sacrifice.
“He came out screaming and hasn’t stopped; it’s just changed.” This is what I told a doctor this week about my son.
Continue reading “The Lonely Journey: What I Want You To Know”
God’s Not Dead
A typical day in my house could certainly be described as challenging, but this week was incredibly rough. Seriously, someone must have snuck my boys crazy pills! Even their mealtimes included chucking food and shoving macaroni noodles up their nose. And snorting, because noodles can certainly be confused with teeny-tiny snorkels in each nostril!
Early this week, I had a doctor’s appointment. Because of the extra rough week, I was never so excited for an appointment. But instead of hearing what I expected, it bore concerns. It’s easy to allow humanness to cloud a perspective. It’s easy to jump into the future, with fear and apprehension, focusing on my past losses, and allow my future to grow grim.
To add to my burden, we are experiencing new financial pressures. And grief, once again, has placed its sorrowful cherry on the top of my gloomy little dessert. Continue reading “God’s Not Dead”
Fly, Little Bird
Nearly every day my son shares with me things from school which burdens a mother’s heart. The other day I was incredibly distraught over a specific incident, so wishing my dad was here. He would be the one I talked to about this. He had been there before – having raised five children, three of whom were boys – and I know would have given godly advice.
But he’s not here anymore. The overwhelming sadness escaped and rolled down my face.
I longed for the fatherly advice. Should I ask my oldest brother who is an experienced father of three boys? Should I ask my brother-in-law who also has three older boys? Continue reading “Fly, Little Bird”
The Truth of Grief (Part 2)
Yesterday the boys and I were on our way to a store and one of the songs from my dad’s services began playing. Sweet Hour of Prayer. I used to love that song. Now it brings bitter sweetness. Continue reading “The Truth of Grief (Part 2)”
Letting Go
Letting go of the life we always wanted. Letting go of the people we love. Letting go of expectations or desires. It’s one of the hardest things to go through.
My first child is going to kindergarten today.
This struggle is different than others. It’s not caused by anxiety of the unknown – as many struggles are, but rather the heartbreak of losing my child little-by-little. A part of my heart will be walking around at school.
This Thing Called Life
I have been trying so hard to understand this thing called Life, but my focus should be on the One who created life. After all, how can I expect peace and joy (oh, how I long for peace and joy!) and spiritual growth without seeking Him first?
For so long I’ve been completely unsure what to think or what to do, mainly for myself and my son. My husband and I struggled (still do!) to handle our out-of-control son. This has been from the time he was a toddler. To us (and others I’m sure), it looks simply like disobedience. Years of this! I avoided (still do!) going places because I wasn’t sure how reactive he’d be and I wasn’t sure how to handle it if he was. Often, we would leave a place as soon as we arrived because I was either already in tears or nearly there. But as the years unfolded and new struggles immerged – ones apart from merely behavior, I began to realize there was way more to it. (Also, he has been receiving therapy for a speech delay for over two years.) When I reflected back, I realized he always struggled, even from the day he was born. Recently, I began to suspect ADHD and a few weeks ago he was finally diagnosed.
Meanwhile, I struggled with intense emotions. For years, really. I equated it to my back-to-back pregnancies (three boys in three years). The anger, the constant Continue reading “This Thing Called Life”
Confessions from the Fast Lane
The last few years, especially, have been some of the roughest years in my life. Many, many days spent extremely perplexed and distraught because I had no idea what to do or what was going on. A child who looks totally out-of-control in behavior and appearance. Restless, constantly in motion, disobedient, inappropriate, meltdowns sometimes all day long.
We were told our discipline needed to be firmer and more consistent. But why were our other two boys responding appropriately? We were told it’s middle-child syndrome (is there such a thing?), but he struggled since birth. I prayed and prayed for wisdom. Finally, through a seemingly endless maze of paths, people and phone calls (otherwise known as God’s guidance) we had an appointment with a psychologist. Continue reading “Confessions from the Fast Lane”
Eye of the Storm
As my boys and I were playing outside on Monday afternoon an Extreme Alert sounded on my phone. A tornado warning was announced. The darkening skies were confirming an approaching storm. We gathered the bikes and toys, securing a few things along the way, and made our way to the house. Continue reading “Eye of the Storm”
Foose Bits 