I have been intently observing my youngest son, Uriah, for the past few months; every movement, every milestone and development, every interaction, even more so than I did with my first two sons. (If you are new to our family, then I will say briefly: since around four months Uriah has been displaying whole body uncoordinated movements. He has had several tests done over the past few weeks and all the results have been normal. This rules out some things but is inconclusive to others.) At his first appointment with neurology, the doctor discussed his suspicions for Uriah’s difficulties. I already had the same suspicions.
I researched even more. I prepared myself.
But hearing the doctor unofficially confirm the possibility of one of two diagnoses yesterday, has made reality hit me straight in the nose.
I was not prepared after all.
Fear of the unknown set in. Fear of the challenges that lie ahead. It’s called worry. It’s not pleasant. It does not reap peace or thankfulness. There is bondage. There is unhappiness. There is insecurity.
This morning was probably the first time that I really felt sad, and more than just pure concern for Uriah. I held back the tears as they threatened to spill down my cheeks. What does his future, our future, hold? I know for certain, apart from God’s healing hand, Uriah’s care right now, at 7 1/2 months old, will be his easiest. I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but if God chooses not to heal him, I know he will need, at the very least, therapy and most likely numerous other interventions.
I grabbed my Bible as it lay in front of me. I was lead to this simple verse:
Psalm 112:7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
WOW! There could not have been a more perfect verse for the moment!
I am not saying this verse makes me feel less sad or concerned. Simply, my heart and my mind should be fixed on trusting God and resting in His divine purposes for our family. To be open to God’s plan and glorify Him through it.
I should accept concern, ditch worry and embrace God’s will for our lives. I need to trust that we are in God’s hands, and in those hands I need not fear!