It was bus time. Of course, raining. It rained all day long. So, I drove the van to the other side of our block to the bus stop. I normally stand on the sidewalk, so I was worried neither the bus driver nor the boys would see me waiting in the van.

The bus pulled into the road. The driver seemed to hesitate where the bus would normally stop, but slowly approached to where I was parked. He waved to me sitting in the van but didn’t stop. As soon as he passed me, I quickly climbed out in the rain to flag him down. He didn’t stop. I’m pretty sure my voice now matched the intensity of my flailing arms until I realized it wasn’t my boys’ bus but another one in the district. I’m flagging down the wrong bus!!!!

Oops! Talk about embarrassing! Wonder what the driver was thinking? I climbed back into the van mortified. I laughed with my son’s TSS, but it wasn’t a genuine laugh.  

I hated it. I hate doing something embarrassing. I hate making a fool of myself. I hate messing up in front of people.

It’s very important to me that I am liked and thought well of. It’s actually a fault. I have worked so hard to portray this certain image that I can’t even allow myself to mess up. I can’t allow myself to be embarrassed or wrong. Because when I do it just wrecks me. It just kills me that I was flagging down the wrong bus!

I have embarrassed myself worse than this, but I think the foundational issue remains.  

Do you know what a mindset like this does? The fear of making a fool of ourselves holds us back. We become closed off. An unwillingness to laugh at ourselves, may disallow us to laugh much at all. It produces less smiles because life’s not as enjoyable. We are worrisome about others’ opinions. We are fearful in every situation, never allowing ourselves to be put in a situation where a mess up could happen or to be seen as a fool because we are more concerned about what people think about us than enjoying their company and the moment. It makes us become cold, too serious, maybe even detached. There’s no enjoyment or fun in our little box.

Here’s the kicker. Do you know it’s pride? It’s caring more about others’ opinions of me than believing God’s opinion of me. What does it matter anyhow? Why do people’s opinions of me matter anyhow? What does matter is the truth. The truth about who GOD says I am.

I think that those little embarrassing moments define me as a foolish person so I cannot allow them to happen. I know I am not alone. There are others who think this. Embarrassment happens to all of us. The lesson is not to never be embarrassing or accidentally foolish or mistaken but instead to laugh at yourself. To not hold onto to it so tightly that it controls you. That’s the lesson. That’s what I’m learning.

Lighten up. God loves you despite your humanness, despite your embarrassments or mess ups . . . even if you flag down the wrong bus, even if you walk out of a bathroom with toilet paper underfoot (did not happen to me—ha!). There is nothing that can separate us from His love. So, let go.

If I can laugh, I can overcome.