Category: experiences

Reality hit me straight in the nose

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I have been intently observing my youngest son, Uriah, for the past few months; every movement, every milestone and development, every interaction, even more so than I did with my first two sons. (If you are new to our family, then I will say briefly: since around four months Uriah has been displaying whole body uncoordinated movements. He has had several tests done over the past few weeks and all the results have been normal. This rules out some things but is inconclusive to others.) At his first appointment with neurology, the doctor discussed his suspicions for Uriah’s difficulties. I already had the same suspicions.

I researched even more. I prepared myself.

But hearing the doctor unofficially confirm the possibility of one of two diagnoses yesterday, has made reality hit me straight in the nose.

I was not prepared after all.

Fear of the unknown set in. Fear of the challenges that lie ahead. It’s called worry. It’s not pleasant. It does not reap peace or thankfulness. There is bondage. There is unhappiness. There is insecurity.

This morning was probably the first time that I really felt sad, and more than just pure concern for Uriah. I held back the tears as they threatened to spill down my cheeks. What does his future, our future, hold? I know for certain, apart from God’s healing hand, Uriah’s care right now, at 7 1/2 months old, will be his easiest. I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but if God chooses not to heal him, I know he will need, at the very least, therapy and most likely numerous other interventions.

I grabbed my Bible as it lay in front of me. I was lead to this simple verse:

Psalm 112:7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.

WOW! There could not have been a more perfect verse for the moment!

I am not saying this verse makes me feel less sad or concerned. Simply, my heart and my mind should be fixed on trusting God and resting in His divine purposes for our family. To be open to God’s plan and glorify Him through it.

I should accept concern, ditch worry and embrace God’s will for our lives. I need to trust that we are in God’s hands, and in those hands I need not fear!

The sun is always shining

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My youngest son (7 ½ months) has been displaying some difficulties in certain physical movements for the past few months. He is being followed by a neurologist. He has had many tests done as well. It is very easy to fall into the pit of worry. I have been so involved in observing these difficulties that sometimes I forget to give as much effort to noticing and rejoicing in things he is able to do. And the new things he learns.

Isn’t it just like us humans to focus and drive our attention on all the won’ts and can’ts? Instead we should be focusing on the cans and does.

We can get so clouded by what is right in front of us, that it becomes hard to see the positives.

We need to be thankful even in the clouds, or storms of life. It’s so easy to settle in the pits of negativity, worry and impossibility. Sometimes it is hard to see any positives in a certain situation but we can still be thankful for them. We can be certain that through it God is working and will use it to be glorified. We do not know God’s plan or purposes but we can know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

We can rest in that promise. We can still be thankful.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Philippians 4:4,6,7 says, Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Stop worrying, doubting, or questioning His purposes. Though it doesn’t specifically say in these verses to always focus on the positives, you cannot rejoice or give thanks while dwelling in all the negatives.

How can I change? When you start falling into the pit of negativity and worry, PRAY!

Every situation requires the right perspective. The sun is always shining…that is no lie! Ever flown in an airplane? It can be raining on the ground but once you fly above the clouds you are marvelously blinded by the rays of the sun. To take this concept further… the clouds, or the storms of life, never last.

Pray. Rejoice. Be thankful. Focus on the positives. Know that God is working out His plan and purpose in every season of your life.IMG_20150426_195222

Mother’s Day for me

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Yesterday was Mother’s Day.

It was like every other day, full of daily routine…whining, dishes, fighting, changing diapers, disobeying, laundry, missed naps, broken down cars. Oh wait, no, the broken down car is new.

It was not the day I expected. It was not entirely special. In fact, the car situation was very un-special.

I can look back at the day with 2 perspectives.

First perspective

This perspective is the easiest and comes most naturally. It is from the very depths of my selfish heart.

The day was to be about me – honoring me, as a mother. Nothing about the day was about me. It did not feel special. I still changed the soiled diapers, I still wiped my child’s hind end, I still did the dishes, I still dealt with the endless and annoying whining from two out of three of my children, I did not sleep in, I still did laundry, I still cleaned up after the family, I still did laundry…and the car. Yes, the broken down car. How is any of that about me?

But as I moped about the day, I felt like I was slapped in the face! How easily we can be so forgetful of what we’re given! How ungrateful of me!

And so I chose to change my perspective and turn my day into a rejoice in the Lord always…

Second perspective

This takes a bit more work. It goes against our natural tendency. I can be disappointed that my day didn’t feel special like I expected or I can be grateful that it was a day like every other.

A day like every other means that we are all still alive and thriving! God has given me another day of normals!

It means that I still have my husband to be irritated with. I have kids that are healthy enough to warrant the changing of diapers and wiping of hind ends. Having dishes to wash means we have food to eat. Even the whining and crying from the kids means they are still breathing and able to vocalize. Piles of laundry (I rarely have piles!) means God has provided clothing for us. Fighting means I have another opportunity to teach the boys. A broken down car; yes, I can still be thankful for that too! A broken down car means God is using this in my life to teach me more about Him, to allow me to grow and to show me that He will provide. (Actually, because our garage is so close to the house we got to walk home.  Take a walk – check.)

And though there was nothing spectacular…there were cards. Important cards that spelled out in specific words, how much I meant to each of my family members. And there were flowers. Handmade flowers and a handmade candle. Each made from the preciousness of the heart. My second perspective has to remember these simple but special gestures.

Mother’s Day is a wonderful day of honoring mothers. But sometimes it’s okay to be reminded that we are still alive and able to take care of our household. I may not have been able to take a nap or get out of doing the dishes, but it does not mean I was not honored.

I am honored to be a mother!

Insults Be Blessed

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But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. 1 Peter 3: 14-17

I was led to this verse yesterday morning, during my devotions. Immediately I thought, Yeah, I totally understand that.

Each of us has different high school experiences. You may have focused your attention more academically, maybe steering clear of the social spectrum; while others found it less enticing, maybe even difficult, to dive into the books. Likewise, some of our experiences were smooth and positive; others were not. Mine was that of much struggle. I won’t degrade my experience to total awfulness though, as it shaped my life and my future.

I was raised in a Christian home – one which I don’t take for granted, even though, then at times, I found it strict and undesirable. Looking back you always see things differently. My parents have been my two pillars. Their devotion to God and to each other and their example is what led me to receive God’s gift of salvation. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was just seven years old. Even at that young age I was called to walk in a close relationship with God.

It must have been evident, though I didn’t recognize it, that I was different. I stood out, especially when I reached high school age. It caused me to be a target for ridicule.

Many times – oh, so many times – the same few kids would torment me for my behavior; my faith, really. There were many other things they used to tease and make fun of me for but they were persistent about trying to get me to swear, almost to the point of tears. “Just say __________.”  “Come on, just say it!”  “It’s because you’re a Christian.”  “You don’t do anything wrong!”  “Goody two shoes!” They would harass me in mocking tones. I began to hate those three words: “goody two shoes”! At the time I thought I’m not perfect; why do they think I am? I wasn’t trying to be perfect. I was raised to be obedient to my parents and to God. It was simple – no other reason.

This is what “goody two shoes” means in the urban dictionary:

“A person (almost always a female) who tries to be as good and “clean” as humanly possible. She is more often than not a staunch conservative and takes pride in her virginity and her practice of abstinence. She is definitely a God-fearing girl who always goes to church every Sunday, and indeed, based on the way she dresses, she looks like she’s going to church every day. She cannot abide it when people cuss in front of her – the most extreme goody two shoeses faint when hearing foul language – and of course she would never consider smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or having any physical contact with a boy beyond holding hands or perhaps a kiss on the cheek. Can be nice but eventually begins to lecture you about your “sinful” lifestyle and just becomes a pest.”

Looking back, I was probably viewed as that exact “definition”, and they were mostly correct.

I wanted so bad to be socially accepted by my peers that even years after I graduated I Continue reading “Insults Be Blessed” →